This is a long one, but I think well worth the effort.
Who knew a simple trip to Sam's Wholesell Club could produce so much stress that I would become dehydrated from the sweating!
Who knew a simple trip to Sam's Wholesell Club could produce so much stress that I would become dehydrated from the sweating!
I had all three kids and we needed to waste time before picking up Josh. I decided to take us to Sam's for lunch and some shopping. I love Sam's--mainly because they have HUGE carts that all the kids can fit into and you can get lunch for under $5. Out of the car, into the cart, into the store, over to the food counter--So far things are running smoothly. As we are waiting for our hot dogs Audrey starts getting fussy. By the time we sit down with our food she is screaming. This is where the sweating begins. Everyone is looking over at our table. I hope that if I leave her in her car seat she will drift off to sleep, but of course this time she doesn't. Cecilia and Gareth start fighting over the lemonade that they are "sharing" and Gareth keeps grabbing his hot dog and shoving it in his mouth (uncut hot dogs are one of the top choking hazards for toddlers). I pick up Audrey (to stop the hostile looks from our fellow dinners) and then can not cut up Gareth's hot dog. I put her back down and she screams like I broke one of her limbs while placing her back in her seat. At this point a nice grandmother comes over and offers to help. She holds Audrey's pacifier in and rocks her seat while I cut up food and forge a truce on the lemonade front.
Crisis averted. Audrey calms down, Gareth is eating, and Cecilia is happily drinking the lemonade. I thank the kind grandmother and start eating my lunch as she leaves. Cecilia and I finish and Audrey falls asleep. Gareth is still eating (it takes him a LONG time to eat) when Cecilia franticly looks up and says the dreaded, "I have to use the potty." She can not wait so I start cleaning up our table. Gareth notices that I'm throwing away things and looks at me frantically. He is only 2/3's the way done with his hot dog, so he starts grabbing food with both hands and shoving as much as he can into his mouth. His cheeks are puffy with food as I load him into the cart with Cecilia, who is now dancing in her seat because she is so close to an accident. I whisk us off, jogging with the cart into bathroom. We park in the corner just in time for Cecilia to make it into a stall and do her business.
Crisis averted. We are there only a few seconds of calm before someone in the bathroom flushes. The toilet flush sounds like the world is ending in a loud horrific bomb. The first flush wakes Audrey up, the second upsets her. But the next 14 flushes throw her back into a state of fury and she begins to scream again! Cecilia finishes up and we whisk out the bathroom. I'm hoping if I can get the cart moving quick enough then Audrey will go back to sleep-yet she continues to cry. Everyone is looking, most people we pass are commenting on how full my hands are, and Cecilia and Gareth are getting antsy. So now with the exercise and the spectators the sweating steps up a notch and Audrey is getting louder and angrier with each new row. I'm now at the far back corner of the store (farthest corner from the restroom with a cart full of groceries) when it occurs to me to check her diaper.
Bingo! Sure enough, her diaper is full of unspeakable evil. So at this point I decide not to go the restroom but just to roll to the corner of the store, lay down a blanket and change her right there. I get her out of her seat, lay her on the blanket and reach into the diaper bag for the wipes...of course they are not there. I put Audrey back into the cart and run over to get a box of wipes. I open them up, grab some wipes and set Audrey back up in the floor. The whole diaper takes 10 wipes to clean up. I charge through, get her changed and wipe my own forehead, which is now dripping with sweat, with the 11th wipe.
Crisis Averted. I take a huge sigh of relief. I stand up with Audrey and stretch out my sore back. Audrey starts calming and I tell myself the worst is over. Then I turn to look at our cart for the first time since I started changing the diaper-and OH MY GOODNESS! Gareth has found my wallet, opened it and he and Cecilia have spent the past 10 minutes emptying the entire contents of it--throwing everything into the air like confetti. There is a circle of business cards, credit cards and grocery cards, receipts and photos lying around the cart and Gareth is very pleased with himself.
I breath deeply in order to contain my rage as I pick up the aftermath of Gareth and Cecilia's ticker tape parade and head to the front of the store. I pay and load up the car. I fall into the driver's seat and sit quietly for a few minutes--thanking God for the gift of Jesus...because that trip through Sam's was enough to convince me I could not handle eternal damnation.
Crisis averted. We are there only a few seconds of calm before someone in the bathroom flushes. The toilet flush sounds like the world is ending in a loud horrific bomb. The first flush wakes Audrey up, the second upsets her. But the next 14 flushes throw her back into a state of fury and she begins to scream again! Cecilia finishes up and we whisk out the bathroom. I'm hoping if I can get the cart moving quick enough then Audrey will go back to sleep-yet she continues to cry. Everyone is looking, most people we pass are commenting on how full my hands are, and Cecilia and Gareth are getting antsy. So now with the exercise and the spectators the sweating steps up a notch and Audrey is getting louder and angrier with each new row. I'm now at the far back corner of the store (farthest corner from the restroom with a cart full of groceries) when it occurs to me to check her diaper.
Bingo! Sure enough, her diaper is full of unspeakable evil. So at this point I decide not to go the restroom but just to roll to the corner of the store, lay down a blanket and change her right there. I get her out of her seat, lay her on the blanket and reach into the diaper bag for the wipes...of course they are not there. I put Audrey back into the cart and run over to get a box of wipes. I open them up, grab some wipes and set Audrey back up in the floor. The whole diaper takes 10 wipes to clean up. I charge through, get her changed and wipe my own forehead, which is now dripping with sweat, with the 11th wipe.
Crisis Averted. I take a huge sigh of relief. I stand up with Audrey and stretch out my sore back. Audrey starts calming and I tell myself the worst is over. Then I turn to look at our cart for the first time since I started changing the diaper-and OH MY GOODNESS! Gareth has found my wallet, opened it and he and Cecilia have spent the past 10 minutes emptying the entire contents of it--throwing everything into the air like confetti. There is a circle of business cards, credit cards and grocery cards, receipts and photos lying around the cart and Gareth is very pleased with himself.
I breath deeply in order to contain my rage as I pick up the aftermath of Gareth and Cecilia's ticker tape parade and head to the front of the store. I pay and load up the car. I fall into the driver's seat and sit quietly for a few minutes--thanking God for the gift of Jesus...because that trip through Sam's was enough to convince me I could not handle eternal damnation.
