My life is one big question mark. My husband's job is changing and we are not sure where God is calling us to change. Is He calling us to stay put and embrace the new adventure of a new job, or is He calling us to relocate and embrace the new adventure of a new community? Both are scary. Both are sad. Both are titillating. But for all the things they both are, only one thing is clear, neither of them are clear!
I don't do well with question marks. It saps my energy, and makes me moody. The house doesn't get clean, the dinners don't get planned. I don't send back the paperwork sent home, or give the kids baths. Work is ignored, and even time with friends is avoided. I just can't find the energy to live energetically when my future is out of focus.
But honestly, it's not out of focus. God just has not given me the lens to see yet. God knows where He is calling us. God knows where our kids will thrive and our marriage deepen. God knows where Joshua will be the biggest blessing to foster kids. And God knows where I need to be to be pressed and pulled into fuller relationship with him. There are no question marks to God. There are no fuzzy outcomes.
All of life is a gift (as I'm trying to learn). Even these question marks and all the ones that will come after these. He holds back clarity not to frustrate but to care and prune. He keeps things fuzzy to develop character and dependance.
So today I can press into the questions marks and be glad...well gladness at this stage might be asking too much, but I can at least be thankful. Thankful that nothing is a question mark to the Lord and that nothing (not even a bad choice) can separate me from His love or provision.
So what is my task in these days of decision? I think it is to fling my questions marks about the future onto the Lord and run with energy in the present, to live fully in today.
Maybe leaving the ?'s to the Lord will lead to a clean kitchen and bread made...sigh. We shall see.
September 28, 2011
September 26, 2011
Mind-Binding Quote of the Day-OUCH!
Pondering this today:
"We have the blessed Holy Spirit present, and we are treating Him as if He were not present at all. We resist Him, disobey Him, quench Him and compromise with our hearts. We hear a sermon about Him and determine to learn more and do something about it. Our conviction wears off, and soon we go back to the same old dead level we were in before. We resist the blessed Comforter. He has come to comfort. He has come to teach. He is the Spirit of instruction. He has come to bring light for He is the Spirit of light. He comes to bring purity for He is the Spirit of holiness. He comes to bring power for He is the Spirit of power...We would like to be full of the Spirit and yet go on and do as we please. The Holy Spirit who inspired the Scriptures will expect obedience to the Scriptures, and if we do not obey the Scriptures, we will quench Him. This Spirit will have obedience—but people do not want to obey the Lord. Everyone is as full as he wants to be. Everyone has as much of God as he desires to have. There is a fugitive impulse that comes to us, in spite of what we ask for when we pray in public, or even in private. We want the thrill of being full, but we don’t want to meet the conditions. We just don’t want to be filled badly enough to be filled...If there is anything in your life more demanding than your longing after God, then you will never be a Spirit-filled Christian. I have met Christians who have been wanting to be filled, in a vague sort of way, for many years. The reason they have not been filled with the Spirit is because they have other things they want more. God does not come rushing into a human heart unless He knows that He is the answer and fulfillment to the greatest, most overpowering desire of that life."
"We have the blessed Holy Spirit present, and we are treating Him as if He were not present at all. We resist Him, disobey Him, quench Him and compromise with our hearts. We hear a sermon about Him and determine to learn more and do something about it. Our conviction wears off, and soon we go back to the same old dead level we were in before. We resist the blessed Comforter. He has come to comfort. He has come to teach. He is the Spirit of instruction. He has come to bring light for He is the Spirit of light. He comes to bring purity for He is the Spirit of holiness. He comes to bring power for He is the Spirit of power...We would like to be full of the Spirit and yet go on and do as we please. The Holy Spirit who inspired the Scriptures will expect obedience to the Scriptures, and if we do not obey the Scriptures, we will quench Him. This Spirit will have obedience—but people do not want to obey the Lord. Everyone is as full as he wants to be. Everyone has as much of God as he desires to have. There is a fugitive impulse that comes to us, in spite of what we ask for when we pray in public, or even in private. We want the thrill of being full, but we don’t want to meet the conditions. We just don’t want to be filled badly enough to be filled...If there is anything in your life more demanding than your longing after God, then you will never be a Spirit-filled Christian. I have met Christians who have been wanting to be filled, in a vague sort of way, for many years. The reason they have not been filled with the Spirit is because they have other things they want more. God does not come rushing into a human heart unless He knows that He is the answer and fulfillment to the greatest, most overpowering desire of that life."
A.W Tozer
Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch
What do I want more than I want the Lord? Many things. Am I guilty of wanting the fullness of the Spirit for my own vain purposes? Sadly, yes.
Spirit of the Living Holy God, win this rocky, weak, dumb heart.
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