My Dad and His Delightful Wit

So I posted about my mom being oh so cute, and while I'll spare my dad the degradation of calling him "cute" I will say he is one of the funniest men I know. Here are two humorous stories about my dad.

The first story includes two of my favorite things my Dad and Diet Coke...
At a recent physical my Dad was in the Doctor's office with my mom talking with his doctor about the results of the exam. When the doctor was finished explaining what he found he said, "Bill, is there anything else you need to talk about?"

"Well, I do have this pain in my arm." My Dad replies as he moves his arm with a slight wince on his face.

"Oh. What do you think could be the matter?"

"Well," Dad says in a serious tone, "I think it's all the Diet Coke!"

The doctor laughs and dismissively says, "Bill! You know that there is nothing in Diet Coke that would make your arm hurt."

My Dad grins as he chuckles and says, "Well, Diet Coke can hurt your arm if you go through the McDonald's drive through and pull your wife's Diet Coke into the car 8 or 9 times a day!

Recently my dad has been striving to eat better. He has cut out fried foods and non-whole wheat bread from his diet and consequently has lost 60 pounds! He looks great and feels much better. The last time I went to see my parents I was sitting on their porch reading a book. My dad comes out onto the porch and does a little jig to get my attention. As I look up to watch his dance he says, "60 pounds! That's how much I've lost!"
"WOW Dad!" I exclaim, "that is GREAT!"
"Yeah! Now I'm going to have to go and get those shots." is his reply.
At this point I'm confused. What shots? All this weight loss started because of some bad sugar test he had and the Dr.'s concern over him becoming diabetic.
"Do you still need insulin shots? I thought the weight loss would fix the sugar problem!"
My dad's face breaks into a huge grin and he answers, "Insulin shots! No! I'm talking about botox! Now that I've lost all this weight in my face I look really OLD!

The CUTEST Mom in the World--"WTF"

Take that everyone! I do indeed have the most adorable mom on the planet!

I was hanging out with my family watching season one of Project Runway. If any of you have watched this particular season, most of the contestants drop the "F" Bomb regularly. After an especially exploding segment, I made a crack about the potty mouths and my mom chuckled.

She said that just recently she had read an article in the newspaper about how NC had to recall 10,000 license plates. What about these plates caused such a stir? Well, the first three letters on these thousands of tags just happened to be "WTF". So Raleigh's only recourse was to take back all the offending tags and issue new ones.

My Mom was confused. What did "WTF" stand for and how offensive could it be to amount to the cost of fixing the screw up. She thought and thought, but could not come up with what "WTF" possibly meant.

What could she do to track down the meaning behind these naughty initials. She could ask the ladies in her Sunday School Class. She could pull out her cell phone and call her two daughters. She could ask one of the many business owners she talks to everyday. She could have done any number of things to discover the answer to her query, but being the resourceful and tech-savvy lady that she is...She googled it!

AND BOY DID SHE FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANT!

Silly Cecilia Moments--Heaven and Death

We have been talking to Cecilia about Heaven for a few months now. Here are a couple of stories that show she's been pondering our conversations.

I had to get blood taken at the doctor's office and they gave me a band-aid for my poor bruised finger. When I came out Cecilia saw it and asked why I needed a shot. We talked about how mommy had a "shot" because the doctor needed to make sure the baby was doing well. Then we talked about how shots may not be fun but they are good because they help protect us from disease. Heaven came up as I told her that in heaven we won't have to worry with shots because no one gets sick. She was really excited about that and all the way home quizzed me about which day of the week we would get to go to heaven. She informed me that Tuesdays & Thursdays were school days, Wednesdays and Sundays we went to church, so that left Mondays, Fridays or Saturdays for us to go to Heaven. A few days later my friend Amanda (See the "Why I Love My Friends" post) was driving Cecilia somewhere for me. She and Cecilia were chatting when all of the sudden Cecilia said in a rather desperate little voice, "Deda (this is what she has always called Amanda), I hope you get to go to Heaven." Amanda replied that she is going to Heaven because she believes in Jesus. Cecilia excitedly states, "OH GOOD! I want you to be there with Me and Mommy and Daddy and Gareth. Do you know that you don't have to get shots and you won't get sick!"

Just recently I was driving the kids home from running some errands. Out of the blue Cecilia asked, "Mommy, when do we go to Heaven?"
I wasn't sure how to respond to her. It seemed that the honest answer was too morbid for a 4 year old, but when in doubt I try for the simple truth. "Well honey, we can't go to Heaven until we die."
"OH Yes!" She said with a grown-up, matter of fact tone, "When our lives are all used up, we die and then we go to Heaven."

Later that night Josh was saying prayers with her when she decided to branch out and pray on her own. Normally they say roughly the same prayer each night with him starting and her repeating, but this night she threw a bit of a curve ball. She prayed, "God, please let Mommy and Daddy die really soon! Amen."
Obviously Josh was a bit freaked. He had not been privy to the conversation she and I had in the car and was, to say the least, concerned over Cecilia's recent desire to see our imminent demise.

I hope she maintains this eager desire for Heaven through her whole life, and that Gareth and Audrey grow excited about it as well. I remember when I was growing up I was not exactly thrilled over the whole idea of Heaven. It just seemed boring...Worshiping God all the live long day... ummmm-OK.
In college I read "The Sacred Romance" and the last chapter started opening my heart to how exciting our glorification will be. The authors talk about how Heaven will draw us into perfect intimacy with the Godhead and each other. They talk about how we will be united with beauty, and that being with our God will begin the greatest and most satisfying adventure we've ever known. Those things didn't sound boring, they sounded too good to be true.

That chapter coupled with C.S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce" and a simple line from a song,

"Curse-reversing Day of Jesus
When you finally seize my soul
Freedom from myself will be the
Sweetest rest I’ve ever known"

helped me understand what Paul meant when he wrote, "To live is Christ, to die IS GAIN." I love that Cecilia grasps this idea so naturally.

Why I Love my Friends...

There are many reasons why I love each of my friends. But this week I want to highlight one of the reasons I love love love my friend Amanda.

I could say that I love Amanda because of how great she is with my kids or because of how sacrificial she is with her time. I could talk about how funny she is or how thoughtful. I could point out what a great sounding board she is with just the right amount of sympathy and challenge. I could talk about the many things I love about this great lady including that she is a GREAT teacher and has a deep heart for her students.

But this week the main reason I Love Amanda is because she introduced me to "SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE!"

Have you watched this amazing show? I mean really watched it. It is incredible. The dances that these kids learn and execute each week are diverse and difficult. And the most amazing part is that a good number of the dancers aren't "classical" dancers. They come from an assortment of backgrounds like Hip-hop and Latin. The things that they pull off blow my brain!
This week there was a Hip-hop dance that I LOVED! You should check it out below.
The first part of the video introduces you to the dancers, Chelsie & Mark and then they show the dance. I hope you love it as much as I did.

A few weeks ago there was another Hip-hop routine that was amazing as well. The video skips the intro section, but the story is about a man who gets called to the war and his wife's reaction.

Leading Small Group and Loving Every Minute of It!

This summer I have the wonderful privilege of leading a Small Group Bible Study for ladies in my community. The study is on Tuesday nights at 6:30 at Grace Covenant Presbyterian and we are looking at different types of Psalms.

This week we kicked off the group by digging into Psalm One. God has been tickling my life with this psalm for a few months now, using it to feed my spirit and calling me to choose holiness and wisdom over laziness and my own understanding of life. I was wondering if there was anything else God could squeeze out for me during the Bible Study, and He did not disappoint!

The small group ranges from women in their early 20's to women who, let's just say, are in or past their 50's. This and other differences lead to some heated and exciting discussions. It was so much fun to hear how these different ladies read this Psalm--what drew their focus and questions, where they were convicted, and where they were blessed. We talked about being trees and if we were feeling very tree-like in our lives right now. We talked about how we delight in the Lord and how we can meditate in our relationship with Him. We talked about what it meant to be blessed, which took on such a deeper value when a woman battling cancer talked about God's blessing in her life. It was fun and full and deep and good.

I love talking about the God of the Bible with a group of women who love Him. I couldn't sleep that night when I got home. Not because I wasn't tired--frankly leading all these women was a bit of an exhausting task, but because I was so excited and thrilled that I got to be there when the Spirit showed up and led us to some cool things in the Word of God!

Personally, my butt got KICKED by one of my good friends. She made a great observation that in verse one the Psalmist takes us from walking with the wicked, to standing and then to sitting. This is a progression of investment--skirting sin, hanging out with sin and then just settling down with it...getting comfortable in sins living room, by sinking into a big comfy arm chair...ouch! This mirrors my own stupidity when it comes to bad choices. I'll allow myself to walk around with laziness or selfishness and it's no big deal. Then I'll just stop and hang out in my bad choices. That's not too bad either(I tell myself), but pretty soon I'm moving in with them and I've got serious problems on my hands! I need to cultivate better bud nipping!
I love that I serve a God who adores for us to be in community around His Word. And if you are reading this and are not involved in a Small Group Bible Study...GO GO GO & FIND ONE! It will feed you and your soul like nothing else!

A Walk Through Sam's or a Walk Through HELL?

This is a long one, but I think well worth the effort.
Who knew a simple trip to Sam's Wholesell Club could produce so much stress that I would become dehydrated from the sweating!

I had all three kids and we needed to waste time before picking up Josh. I decided to take us to Sam's for lunch and some shopping. I love Sam's--mainly because they have HUGE carts that all the kids can fit into and you can get lunch for under $5. Out of the car, into the cart, into the store, over to the food counter--So far things are running smoothly. As we are waiting for our hot dogs Audrey starts getting fussy. By the time we sit down with our food she is screaming. This is where the sweating begins. Everyone is looking over at our table. I hope that if I leave her in her car seat she will drift off to sleep, but of course this time she doesn't. Cecilia and Gareth start fighting over the lemonade that they are "sharing" and Gareth keeps grabbing his hot dog and shoving it in his mouth (uncut hot dogs are one of the top choking hazards for toddlers). I pick up Audrey (to stop the hostile looks from our fellow dinners) and then can not cut up Gareth's hot dog. I put her back down and she screams like I broke one of her limbs while placing her back in her seat. At this point a nice grandmother comes over and offers to help. She holds Audrey's pacifier in and rocks her seat while I cut up food and forge a truce on the lemonade front.

Crisis averted. Audrey calms down, Gareth is eating, and Cecilia is happily drinking the lemonade. I thank the kind grandmother and start eating my lunch as she leaves. Cecilia and I finish and Audrey falls asleep. Gareth is still eating (it takes him a LONG time to eat) when Cecilia franticly looks up and says the dreaded, "I have to use the potty." She can not wait so I start cleaning up our table. Gareth notices that I'm throwing away things and looks at me frantically. He is only 2/3's the way done with his hot dog, so he starts grabbing food with both hands and shoving as much as he can into his mouth. His cheeks are puffy with food as I load him into the cart with Cecilia, who is now dancing in her seat because she is so close to an accident. I whisk us off, jogging with the cart into bathroom. We park in the corner just in time for Cecilia to make it into a stall and do her business.

Crisis averted. We are there only a few seconds of calm before someone in the bathroom flushes. The toilet flush sounds like the world is ending in a loud horrific bomb. The first flush wakes Audrey up, the second upsets her. But the next 14 flushes throw her back into a state of fury and she begins to scream again! Cecilia finishes up and we whisk out the bathroom. I'm hoping if I can get the cart moving quick enough then Audrey will go back to sleep-yet she continues to cry. Everyone is looking, most people we pass are commenting on how full my hands are, and Cecilia and Gareth are getting antsy. So now with the exercise and the spectators the sweating steps up a notch and Audrey is getting louder and angrier with each new row. I'm now at the far back corner of the store (farthest corner from the restroom with a cart full of groceries) when it occurs to me to check her diaper.

Bingo! Sure enough, her diaper is full of unspeakable evil. So at this point I decide not to go the restroom but just to roll to the corner of the store, lay down a blanket and change her right there. I get her out of her seat, lay her on the blanket and reach into the diaper bag for the wipes...of course they are not there. I put Audrey back into the cart and run over to get a box of wipes. I open them up, grab some wipes and set Audrey back up in the floor. The whole diaper takes 10 wipes to clean up. I charge through, get her changed and wipe my own forehead, which is now dripping with sweat, with the 11th wipe.

Crisis Averted. I take a huge sigh of relief. I stand up with Audrey and stretch out my sore back. Audrey starts calming and I tell myself the worst is over. Then I turn to look at our cart for the first time since I started changing the diaper-and OH MY GOODNESS! Gareth has found my wallet, opened it and he and Cecilia have spent the past 10 minutes emptying the entire contents of it--throwing everything into the air like confetti. There is a circle of business cards, credit cards and grocery cards, receipts and photos lying around the cart and Gareth is very pleased with himself.

I breath deeply in order to contain my rage as I pick up the aftermath of Gareth and Cecilia's ticker tape parade and head to the front of the store. I pay and load up the car. I fall into the driver's seat and sit quietly for a few minutes--thanking God for the gift of Jesus...because that trip through Sam's was enough to convince me I could not handle eternal damnation.

Gareth & Audrey