My life is one big question mark. My husband's job is changing and we are not sure where God is calling us to change. Is He calling us to stay put and embrace the new adventure of a new job, or is He calling us to relocate and embrace the new adventure of a new community? Both are scary. Both are sad. Both are titillating. But for all the things they both are, only one thing is clear, neither of them are clear!
I don't do well with question marks. It saps my energy, and makes me moody. The house doesn't get clean, the dinners don't get planned. I don't send back the paperwork sent home, or give the kids baths. Work is ignored, and even time with friends is avoided. I just can't find the energy to live energetically when my future is out of focus.
But honestly, it's not out of focus. God just has not given me the lens to see yet. God knows where He is calling us. God knows where our kids will thrive and our marriage deepen. God knows where Joshua will be the biggest blessing to foster kids. And God knows where I need to be to be pressed and pulled into fuller relationship with him. There are no question marks to God. There are no fuzzy outcomes.
All of life is a gift (as I'm trying to learn). Even these question marks and all the ones that will come after these. He holds back clarity not to frustrate but to care and prune. He keeps things fuzzy to develop character and dependance.
So today I can press into the questions marks and be glad...well gladness at this stage might be asking too much, but I can at least be thankful. Thankful that nothing is a question mark to the Lord and that nothing (not even a bad choice) can separate me from His love or provision.
So what is my task in these days of decision? I think it is to fling my questions marks about the future onto the Lord and run with energy in the present, to live fully in today.
Maybe leaving the ?'s to the Lord will lead to a clean kitchen and bread made...sigh. We shall see.
4 comments:
Oh girl..... I FEEL you on this one.... so long we lived in the question mark - and lived through all of what you said and when God answered our prayers, it was SO amazing to see His ways be so much more amazing than what we could dream up. Of course, there are new questions in our new answer to prayer - but growth happened, trust happened. <3
Those question marks are really pesky. It is hard. I am with you on the not clean house thing when there is something weighing you down. We are coming out of one my fogs right now. Just know that God is good (some days I have to repeat this to myself at least 50 times). We will pray for you guys.
Thanks for this. Good word today.
I'm reading Invitations from God, by Adele A. Calhoun and just read half of her chapter on the invitation to wait today...it's a fabulous book (and an IV press one too!) and this chapter is so true to everything that you said and are struggling with. Praying that your question mark becomes an explanation point!
~aimee d.
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