Leaving Church is never easy. I forget to take a snack to church and by the time we make our way to the car at 12:45 I'm starving and quite irrational. Cecilia is sobbing because she does not want to leave the extroverted gorge feast that is church. Gareth is discontent because he hates crowds and people freak him out. We shut the doors of our car with a sigh of relief and then the conversation inevitably turns to LUNCH!
Here is what I'm thinking-- "FOOD FOOD FOOD!!!! I need Food!" So I suggest we eat out. The thought of going home and fixing something is too much for my pregnant brain to handle. We can go somewhere cheap or share, but I need to go out.
Here is what I think Josh is thinking--"FOOTBALL. MONEY. FOOTBALL. MONEY." Playoffs are in full swing and my husband loves nothing more than the glory of watching the best teams of the league battle it out on their quest for super bowl glory. He also knows that we don't have the money to eat out, even cheaply.
So what happens? EXPLOSION!!! He tries to compromise. HUNGRY!! I shut down. He tries harder. Unable to think straight I stop talking and I roll my eyes (eek). He gets mean (double eek). We go home. I move into silence (I hate this about myself). Josh moves into absolute frustration and gets meaner (something he hates about himself). I cry. He leaves the room.
Suddenly the Spirit breaks through all the flesh. A clean and fresh wind enters our conversation. The cross grips us both and we are able to communicate what is really going on underneath the guise of food and football. Josh felt deeply disrespected (the eye roll). I felt uncared for and abused (the mean words). I was waiting for Josh to earn my respect before I gave it to him, he was waiting for me to act like a woman worthy of love before he moved in compassion toward me. FLESH!
God reminded us both that we are called to love and respect each other not because our spouse has earned those things but because our God has earned them. I worship a God who has earned my respect and so calls me to give respect to my husband. When I don't, regardless of how Josh is treating me, I sin. Josh knows a God that deserves all the love and compassion he can give, and God calls Josh to give that love to his wife. When he doesn't, he sins.
We confessed to each other and God. We ate lunch and watched football. We moved toward each other because God made it possible for us to do so.
Praise be to the God who breaks through our flesh and sin!
1 comment:
oh, i miss you.
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