6:30-I wake up. I don't know if you have ever woken up and felt or even known that God woke you up for a purpose, but this was one of those times. It was an invitation for me to join Him. An invitation to connect with Him in this quiet place of prayer. An invitation that I ignored.
I looked at the clock and thought, "God, this breathe prayer thing will be just as awesome in about an hour." And I rolled over and went back to sleep.
When I did get up about 30 minutes later the kids were in the bath and Joshua was getting them clean for church. I found them all clothes, grabbed my journal and a Diet Coke, and went back into my room.
Into my "uncomfortable" chair, a few deep breathes to relax and find the rhythm. Breathe in, Jesus. Breathe out, Jesus. Breathe in, Jesus. Breathe out, Jesus. And so it went for about 20 minutes. No funny stories this morning. No real insights either, except that it felt stale and mechanic. This is the first time where I've practiced this type of prayer that it felt like a formula. Breathe in, [WORD/PHRASE]. Breathe out, [WORD/PHRASE].
You would expect that I would be feeling discouraged from my time, but I don't. Even in the moments of my praying like a robot, I felt my heart (or maybe the Spirit) comfort me. "Don't worry Lee. This is part of it. The practice, the discipline, the skill learning. This will lead to better things. Press on with hope, and keep up the breathing."
Two "I wonders"
1. I wonder what would have happened if I had gotten up when I was awoken the first time? I wonder if my time would have been different it I had not treated God's gracious invitation like a suggestion that I could tweek to my own schedule? Sigh, but as C.S. Lewis reminds us in "The Voyage of the 'Dawn Treader,'" "We are never told what might have been." I'm sorry God!
2. On this third day of prayer I noticed that I've only started praying after the kids are up, which puts some (or all) of the burden of my taking 20 minutes to pray onto Joshua. He doesn't mind. He is great. But I am starting to wonder if I am going about this wrong? If I need to make more of an effort to try and beat the kids up, or carve out another part of the day where it would not fall solely on him to manage the little ones while I pray? Maybe this is the best way, but maybe there is a better one, and I need to spend some creative time considering it. Any ideas out there? Things you have tried?
2 comments:
Hey girl! We've tried it so many ways.... the only thing we can find to consistently work (and this is just for us... nothing about this is anything I'd ever argue is the only way!) is to get up roughly an hour before anything else has to be done... be it kids getting up, leaving for work, etc.. Right now this means about 5 for Scott and about 5:30 for me. We have a hard time with consistency but once I actually ROLL MYSELF OUT OF THE BED it is already such a better day than any other I try to start off without HIM!
I read other entries and I realize you have the 'abigail effect'... which is when one or more children (namely ABIGAIL) awakens at the sound of (specifically) Mommy opening her eyes. This is true in so many circumstances.
So, do you shower?
In the morning?
Well, if not, it's time to start!
It's my perfect prayer spot ESPECIALLY if there is another adult in the house, but if not, I lock the doors to the great outdoors and pray for their safety before continuing on..... The warm water dulls noises and keeps me calm.
I am loving your recent endevour... can't wait to read more!
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