Take Two: Setting the Alarm

Saturday AM-6:40. "Quiet Prayer" take two.

I didn't set my alarm to get up to pray-the little ones are up between 6:30-6:40 every day, and they didn't let me down this morning. At 6:40 there was a LOUD slamming of Gareth's door 3 times in a row followed by Audrey's belly laugh, and Joshua's admonishments.

Ok! I'm "ready" to spend another 20 minutes praying the name of Christ over and over. Yesterday I prayed in my bed, and the lesson I learned from that was my bed is warm and cozy! So I decide to pray from under the covers again. About the moment I start to "breathe", Gareth and Audrey realize that I'm awake. How did they notice from the other room you ask? Who knows! They have a preternatural understanding of when adults have awoken from their nightly slumber. They crashed into the room & joined me on the bed. With both of them there, focusing on anything other than them is impossible. So I accept a temporary defeat and snuggle for a few moments.

Soon the aroma of Joshua's fabulous pancakes come stealing into the room, and just as quick as they cozy-ed up to me they head into the kitchen to cozy up to him for their breakfast. I get up and think that a few things will help me with focus on my quiet prayer. Hot shower, teeth brushed, Cecilia checked on (she had to get ready for a make-up day at school), and back in my room.

I have a great little chair that my mother-in-law gave me. It sits by a window in our room. It is the right amount of uncomfortable so I sit down and settle in. Deep breath and relax. Remember Lee, don't force it. That is how you almost passed out yesterday. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out naturally. Breathe in, Jesus. Breathe out, Jesus. Breathe in, Jesus. Breathe out, Jesus. The kids are quiet, and I settle into the rhythm.

The thing that struck me this morning was my tone. When I started out I was saying Jesus in my mind as a statement. A bland well known statement of truth (don't judge me). But as I continued through the 20 minutes, the way my mind and heart called out Christ's name changed. During some parts of the prayer I was saying Jesus like it was a plea, and other times like it was a question. A few times I found that I was saying a different word and I had not realized that I had switched. I made a note of the word in my journal and got back to the rhythm. And at least once there was some hostility, or maybe annoyance is a better word, behind the way I said His name. (eek)

Toward the end of the time I found that I was saying Jesus with a fullness that I had not started the prayer with. I could feel my heart delighting in His name. I could feel a change. It was faint, not complete, but is was good. I said His name with this full heart maybe 5 times when the alarm clock went off. BLAST!

I set the alarm so I would not be checking the clock every few minutes. Sigh. I did not think it would shut down such a sweet moment. But, it was good to get to where I did. It made me want to get back to it tomorrow or even later that day. I feel like I may have slightly tasted what it was like to have my heart lead my head in prayer. And I want more!

So tomorrow I won't set the alarm.